St. Patrick's Day

Happy St. Patrick’s Day! Being a Wisconsinite, holidays like this remind me of Lewis Black’s comments on Wisconsin drinking, from The White Album, recorded in Madison, WI:

I love Wisconsin. I love coming here. I’ve performed here a lot because I’ve discovered that you people apparently have some sort of federal grant for drinking. You’re insane! You pay less for liquor than anybody I know anywhere else in the country. Nobody pays less for liquor than you…. I don’t know if you’re using that farm subsidy money or if you’re just hijacking liquor trucks, but this is f*&#in’ insane. Is it volume? It’s unbe-f@#*’-lievable! It’s staggering!

I come here because basically, if I spend four days drinking here, even with the plane ticket, it’s cheaper than drinking in New York. How do you know when it’s New Year’s? That’s the big mystery to me. What’s the difference? I’ve been in bars here, and it’s like New Year’s every f*&@ night!

“Oh, New Year’s, that when we [Wisconsinites], uh, drink with hats on.”

I’ve been drunker here than anyplace else I’ve ever been in my life. And remember this: You are NOT… you are NOT alcoholics. You, and my hat is off, are professionals.

On this greatest of drinking holidays remember to be a professional, not an amateur. If you drink lots of water with your beer you’ll stay hydrated and last all night. Consider tips left for your bartender a good investment. And most importantly, be safe getting home.